Blog - Page 2 of 11 - Life Views 101

August 11, 2023August 15, 2023

What You See

Hello, this is Kris. Welcome to my blog. It has been quite a while and I must apologize. There are no excuses, only things that got in my way or distracted me from talking with you.

Sadly, I lost my sister recently. Her death came quickly, we only had two months to prepare, but considering her condition of health, and the cancer that was devouring her, I can only say she’s in a better place. If they let her in that is (that was her kind of humor.) When the hospice place first rejected her, she said, “it’s because my foot’s not far enough in the hole” and actually at that moment she was correct. Six weeks later she was gone.

I brought some of her little belonging’s home with me and throughout my house are little reminders of her. We lived quite a distance apart, over 1000 miles, but we saw each other almost every year so we stayed close and had many adventures.

I was the one who had to go through all her belongings and clear out her home to prepare her estate or should I say to prepare her mobile home to be sold. She had lots of little special collections that she loved and had gathered to herself over the years. Pretty little things that brought her happy memories. Collections of stuff that didn’t mean much to me or her friend but were special to her. Some of those little bits and pieces I brought home not because I wanted them but because they were part of her happy memories.

Most of her things went to charity which broke her and my heart. She couldn’t believe that all her cherished mementos meant so little to others. I did not have the time to stay around to find a good home for them. Sadly, out the door they went.

After her passing I was suddenly hit with the realization that I am the last of my family. Of course, my parents are gone, I’m 72, but now so are my siblings. I am the last of the litter. That is a scary feeling and brings home the age factor to me. As I told my son, I’m no spring chicken. Now I must admit it.

Something that I came to recognize as I put my grubby mitts in her cupboards and drawers is that sometimes we develop preconceived ideas about others. We look at people, form impressions of them by what we think we see, and sometimes miss out on who that person really is. What we think we know about people is a one-sided notion and the impressions may not even match who that person is before us. It is like looking at a flat piece of paper. We only see one side. We don’t see the whole book. We don’t see all the pages.

I believe we are influenced by our life experiences, who we love, how we love, and how we grew up and formed our personality. There are so many sides to our stories, but people only see one side, the side we want them to see, not the other pages and layers. We are one dimensional in our inclusion or exclusion of others. I can honestly say that I don’t think we know most of our family and friends as well as we think.

When we look at a stranger, let’s just say someone we think is well off and doing fabulously because they may have everything we desire in our life. We may feel envy or anger at their advantages. We may be jealous of their good looks, their obvious good luck, but what I want to say is that what we see of each other is only the outer shell of who we are. We do not see the inner self, the things that have occurred in that person’s life, the things that may have been done to them or all the people who have been a part of that life unless they have shared that story.

We can look at a person and assume by the way they behave and the way they are dressed or how they live if they have been lucky in life. We can assume through appearances that they have probably never been mistreated, but instead given all the luxuries of life. But what we may not know is if they have been depressed, suicidal, or abused because we really don’t know what is encased in that shell. The life events that have meddled and meshed to form who they have become. We are so much more than what is seen by others, we are not just the things around us.

Regarding myself, I keep secrets. I don’t always tell the truth when others ask how I am. I don’t let people see what has come before. And, I have very few in my life who know “my” whole story.

What I wanted to bring to your attention, and what has come to mine, is that we don’t know all the bits and pieces that are there when we look at someone. They may have a wealth of money, and a lovely home and car, but their life could be the shits for them. Maybe they grew up with terrible parents. Maybe they had a terrible childhood. Maybe their school years were terrible, or they were bullied. One thing is for sure, they survived all of that to become who we see before us.

When we look at you at each other we really don’t know what is there and I suggest we pause and analyze what we see when we start to judge others. That person we see is the bits and pieces of all their life events, and all their reactions and feelings to those life events.

I know that as I sit here, I’m surrounded with all the stuff I thought I wanted and needed, but as it turns out it is just a multitude of useless items that should I die in this moment nobody would want. When I was going through my sister’s belongings it broke my heart to see all the things that she had saved and collected, pictures she had and things that honestly meant nothing to me. Things that mean nothing to the one son that has survived her.

What I discovered is we don’t need all this stuff around us. I certainly don’t need all this junk I have collected over time. And after being at my sister’s I’m going to clear out the cupboards in my house because I do not want my children to have to go through the things that they could care less about or want as part of the death process when I pass.

I can honestly say that the real things that are the most important and will be the most important to each one of us is the time we have spent together. The laughter we may have shared, the pranks and jokes we’ve told, not the stuff that sits around and fills our empty corners.

If I was going to offer one bit of advice, and I am, it is that it is our connection with people, with our family that is the most important aspect of our life. We need to focus on creating happy, wonderful memories with each other, not buying another trinket or doda that will just be thrown in the trash when we turn to dust.

I’m not a wizard, brainiac, therapist, or anybody who has the right to tell you what to do, I’ve just lived 72 years of life experiences, and come to realize that I need to stand quietly and observe and appreciate my network of friends and loved ones more than all the things that surround me.

We’ve all heard the line “tomorrow’s another day” but I say stay in this moment, be present now, be present with the people today that are in your life and let them know through your actions and words how much you appreciate them, how much you love them. At the end it is not the stuff, but the people we will miss the most. And as I always say, have a great day today, you and I deserve it.

April 9, 2023April 9, 2023

Sexual Assault: National Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

(released again this year)

I am not sure if you are aware that April is “National Sexual Assault Awareness month.” Quite a mouth full I know.. This month is devoted to raising awareness, educating the public, and supporting the victims.

I would like to know if you have seen any promotions for National Sexual Assault Awareness month on your news stations. My inclination is that you have not. I have not either. I became aware of this national month by accident, it was attached to another article I was reading.

Sexual assault, molestation, and incest are topics that most people shy away from. Many do not want to talk about these kinds of heartbreaking stories. The horror that goes along with these acts are difficult for many to bear. I challenge you to image how the victims feel.

Sexual assault and molestation are deviant crimes against so many. If you look at the statistics, it is a worldwide epidemic. Crimes against young girls, boys, women and man are happening every hour of everyday, somewhere in this country, and in other countries.

The only way that people will become more comfortable, and I am not sure that is the right word, maybe I should say more open to addressing these types of topics, is if we actually talk about them. If we bring these stories out into the open. If we talk to each other. If we talk to victims. We need to get the information out. We need to get the stories out, and we need to follow through and get the perpetrators punished.

https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/

There is a wonderful foundation called the “ Joyful Heart Foundation” that was started by Mariska Hargitay from the hit television show, Law and Order Special Victims unit. In one blurb about her said that the actress said:
“The actress founded the Joyful Heart Foundation in 2004 to help “heal, educate, and empower” survivors of sexual assault. “People don’t want to look at sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse that are so pervasive in our society, and I felt like I needed to do something about it,” she says.”

Mariska and her spouse have been advocates and educators for many years promoting awareness on these difficult topics. The ‘Joyful Heart Foundation” is a great resource for those who want to get involved.

This site list important hotlines, offers educational information, and suggestions of how others can get involved and help. Please take a look at their website. There are so many victims out there who need our love and support. Image if this was your daughter, sister, mother, or friend.

I was the victim of incest many years ago, I really haven’t talked about it, this is new. I will admit that those events have haunted me for 62 years. Just because the trauma is over does not mean that the nightmares stop. They do not. Just because someone tells you it is over, does not mean that everything is OK. It does not mean that each person that has been traumatized in this way does not continue to have waves of panic and sadness wash over them.

I will tell you that most, if not all of the statistics you see about sexual trauma, molestation, and incest are big fat lies. Why would I say that? I say that because MOST cases of incest, rape, and molestation go unreported. The numbers you see do not even scratch the surface of the number of crimes that are really happening.

I was a child of incest. I told no one. When the story came out at a family gathering no one talked to me about what happened. The events got buried, but the memories and emotions of that trauma have lived inside of me all my life.

After years of being haunted by those memories I have written a book to quell the ghost, and to encourage others to tell their stories. We must talk about what has happened to us, and we need to talk about what is happening now to others. As a society, we must find a way to stop the monsters.

My book is out on Amazon. I wrote my book because I needed to tell my story. I wanted to encourage others to share theirs. And I want to encourage everyone to help the victims of sexual assault, rape, incest and molestation find some peace, as I know that they are haunted by the trauma that has been inflicted upon them. Below is a little section out of my book. I would love to share my book with as many victims as I could possibly reach as they need to know that they are not alone. And as I always say, have a great day today, YOU AND I DESERVE IT.

Incest and rape are not things we usually chose to remember. Often these memories come uninvited into our conscious minds, poking and prodding, pulling and tearing away the scab that keeps them from us.

Sometimes our memories float to the forefront of our mind like clouds in the sky. Some good, some bad. Some pretty, some ugly.

Mine have slithered out of their hiding places to assault my well being at many inopportune moments, bringing forth a flood of tears.

At other times, the memories of my father’s molestation burst forth like little volcanic eruptions, opening that place where they lay dormant.

I have had the scent of body powder suddenly fill my senses. Body powder was a tool my father used when he began his little bathroom games.

I do not ask to remember. I do not want to see into the past for that is where the child in me has kept things hidden for so long.

But I will confess that these memories, these real events need to be told because of the harm they did to the child, and for the way they have haunted the woman. It is time to tell my story. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0936CRZDX

And it is time for all of you to tell your stories as well. https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/

March 31, 2023March 31, 2023

DEATH IS COMING.

Greetings, this is Kris, welcome to my blog cast.

Today’s topic is a sad one. I hate to admit it, but I don’t always feel real peppy and motivational. You see there will be a death soon in my household. Now for some of you who have never loved a pet you may not feel sympathetic towards me, and that’s okay. But those of you that have travelled this path know the heart break coming my way.

If you have been following along with my blog you know that Tessie, my lovely old friend, has been with me for some years. She has filled my heart with joy and laughter as I hope that I have filled hers. When people ask me what kind of a dog she is, I tell them Hawaiian, as my son got her when he was stationed there before going to Iraq.

Tess has been a part of our lives for thirteen years, and mine exclusively for eight. This lovely dog and I have grown old together. As for me I am not too decrepit yet, but Tess is not doing well.

You see her poor old body is full of “fatty tumors.” Things they can do nothing about, and I have watched as they have popped up all over her body. The worse are the ones I can’t see as she gets breathless, stumbles when she walks, and sometimes she just stands there like she is waiting for something to happen.

When she came to live with me, she became the motivation for both of us to get outdoors and walk. Together we discovered this wonderful park area not far from where I live. I didn’t even know there was such a wonderful place until we started our walks and explored the neighborhood.

We quit walking there years ago as I discovered another area that was much larger with many more trails, you may have heard me talk about the Shunga. But yesterday we went back to our old haunt as my poor little car would not start. My SUV is too hard for Tess to get into so a dear friend gave me an old Toyota echo so that she would not have so far to jump as we head out on our adventures.

Due to the death of this little car we returned to our old trails, our old pathways, and it brought tears to my eyes as I remembered finding this area when we first came together.

This haven is 43 acres of trees and grasses with little trails and ravines. Over the water are lovely bridges and fallen trees that let us take pause along our journey.

Over the years we have seen deer, turkeys, ducks, great big beautiful hawks, and once a gorgeous coyote. It’s amazing that as we began our walk Tessie remembered exactly which trails to take and followed the old paths we had trodden before. It was so heartwarming.

The tumors on Tess have gotten pretty large but they don’t stop her from walking. She loves her walks, she loves to snuffle. As I said, sometimes she gets so breathless we must stop and let her catch her breath for a minute. I don’t know how many breaths a minute a dog is supposed to breathe, but she is like a little train puffing away.

Despite all of this she’s an inspiration to me. Even when she is having difficulty, and probably some pain, she just keeps taking that next step. She keeps going which should remind all of us to take that next step forward as well and keep going.

We need to move past the pain and suffering because we do not know what tomorrow may bring. We do not want to miss an opportunity to see a beautiful landscape or feel the warm sun on our skin or miss having the cool breeze touching our face. Nature can be such motivation to keep going.

One thing I have noticed when I walk outside is that it is very noisy. The birds are chirping and singing to each other. There are woodpeckers hammering away, dogs barking in the distance, and the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. Not a quiet place, but a soothing, healing place. Some days I just want to lay down and embrace the earth it is such a gift.

Tess has been my companion for a long time, and I don’t think she is going to make it to the end of the year. It is the hardest thing for me to watch knowing that at some point I may have to put her down to ease her suffering. I pray every night that the lord will take her in her sleep so that she will not suffer, and I will not have to make the decision to end her days. It is tough one as many of you know.

I have already decided I don’t want any more pets after Tess is gone because at my age the only thing that’s in my future is who will go first, me or the pet. I have felt great love for this old dog, and we have had many enjoyable trips along our favorite paths. Soon it will end, and we will only walk in spirit along our favorite trails.

She never chased the other creatures, we were quiet observers.

There is a lovely story that Andy Andrews, a motivational presenter tells about his wife and their family dog. Every time his wife enters a room the dog gets so excited and happy wagging its tail and smiling at her. The wife in return hugs the dog and gives it little scratches. If the wife leaves the room again as soon as she returns the dog acts like she has been gone forever and gets all excited again, getting hugs and scratches once more.

Now Andy said he asks himself “why his wife didn’t treat him that way when he came home or entered a room”, and his response was, “because I don’t treat her the way our dog treats her, and that is with great joy when she enters a room, always so happy to see her.

Maybe we should treat each other like we have been apart for a long time and are filled with joy and love once we set eyes on each other again. Do you think it will make you or them feel better? Of course, it would.

All around us there are motivational things to soothe and relax each one of us. Things to fill our hearts with joy. We just need to open our eyes to what is there.

Did I mention she can be a coach potato.

If you are feeling down watch some YouTube videos. There are millions to choose from. They can certainly lift your mood. Listen to some gentle music. Look at nature videos. There are apps galore that provide calming nature sounds or music.

There was a study done where people just looked at a fireplace with a fake fire going and they reported feeling warmer just by watching. I have one of those fake fire heaters. You can use them without the heat on and it is very soothing watching the colorful flames bouncing about.

Sometimes we have to step away from the chaos in our life and there are so many ways to do that to help ourselves feel better. We don’t always recognize the feelings of the stress burdening our bodies until we let go. Step away, embrace something wonderful. Then you will feel it, you will feel the tension that was hardening your muscle, tightening your chest, making it difficult to breathe. We get so use to those feelings that when we let go it is like we are floating on air.

One of the best tools in my life to help me push away the chaos has been my sweet Tessie. I am so glad that she has been there with me. When her time comes, I will shed many tears of sadness, but I will also be filled with gratitude for our time together. I know that soon she is going to be gone. I hope it will be an easy passing. I dread the time will come when I may have to make a choice to intervene. Say a prayer for me and her that she will go in her sleep so that our parting will be an easy one. If you have a pet snuggle them close, just stroking their fur can lower your blood pressure and ease your pain. Love all the beings in your life, animals, and humans. Each is a gift we should cherish. And as I always say, “have a great day today, you and I deserve it.” ( she loved her girls,)

March 1, 2023March 12, 2023

“SEAT”

Hello, welcome to my blog cast. This is Kris and I’d like to share a few bits of information with you, perhaps give you a little boot in the butt.

Let’s start with the fact that is the first day of March, two months since we all laid down those new, New Year’s resolutions, and I want to have ask how many are still hanging in there? I will admit that I have already given up. Actually, I gave up in January. Yep, I go hard and fast and then slip and fall.

I am the first to admit that it is hard to make changes. I lose that enthusiasm rather quickly. I get overwhelmed with all the advice about new diet ideas ( not really new at all) foods to eat, foods not to eat, fasting, keto, low calorie, high protein, grains, no grains. My mind just shuts down from the explosion of information sent my way on the internet.

But I’m here to give you some more information. Sorry, but I have too. If you have read my blogs or you’ve listened in, you know that my site is not an advertisement for anything. I do not promote products except for my very own which I’m proud of and I think are beneficial for both of us. Otherwise, I don’t advertise or promote other people’s stuff. I find it a big distraction to what the author is trying to say if these pop ups fill the page.

Now you may have noticed the title of my blog, “ SEAT” which I am excited to say is promoting a new way of thinking. If you are half as aware as I am while I’ve slogged through the day overfed and under exercised, you too may have noticed all the new diet trends, food lists, exercises promoting promises of a better body, and a healthier you. I am here to say that this new way of eating has hit home for me. It is a message I agree with and I am excited to try. What does SEAT stand for you may ask, “Go ahead, ask.” It stands for “STOP EATING ALL THE TIME.”

They are always tempting us, the little devils.

“What the hell you might say, that sounds like something my grandmother would have said.” And you would be correct. We have become a society of stuffers, constantly shoving food or snacks into our faces hungry or not. We have destroyed our real sense of hunger because we never give our guts a chance to empty and rest. It is always pulsing and breaking down everything we drop down the hole. Churning, gurgling, sending out more acids to destroy more treats. It is a hell hole down there.

Let me ask you what do you do when you know you are going out to your favorite restaurant for a great meal? Do you shovel in the food all day? Most of us, and I am sure you are one of those, don’t eat much throughout the day in anticipation of the great meal coming our way. And what usually happens when we do this, hopefully for you and me is that the food is wonderful, and we really enjoy it.

That is the Key…That is what I am talking about. Most of the time we don’t even know what the crap we put in our gullet even taste like, we just keep stuffing it in.

This wonderful article talks about this and suggests we give our guts a rest. “If it is getting close to a meal, or you have a couple of hours, have a large glass of water with a slice of fruit dropped in for flavor or eat a half of a banana.” We do not need to eat as soon as we feel the first wave of hunger, we will not die, and our bodies will thank us later.

I know if my grammy was still here she would be the first one to say STOP EATING ALL THE TIME if you want to feel better. When we let our guts rest then it can rejuvenate and restore the good bacteria that lives in our bellies and help us stay healthy. Instead, we shove in more M&Ms making ourselves feel crappy, bloated, and miserable, not to mention the gas combustion that occurs.

Our lives and all our celebrations revolve around food. There are treats served at every event. There are more sweets and snacks along the store aisles than there is real food.

We need to get back to waiting to enjoy our meals. Enjoy the foods that we eat, and only eat when we are hungry. And as a bonus pay attention to what we are eating so that we can lead ourselves in a new, healthier, happy direction.

So I will admit that this new idea was stolen from someone else’s new idea, and probably said by someone’s grammy, and that is “ We need to STOP EATING ALL THE TIME.” I will add “Pay attention to what is shoveled down your throat as well. I mean if we are trying to be healthier, we can at least take it a little further.

While I was writing this piece I googled and found the article, and it first came out in July 2022 and then was released again the other day where it caught my eye. If you want to read the whole article here is the site https://www.you.co.uk/the-seat-diet-weight-loss-plan/ which I have attached the link.

It really is a great article and takes the staying healthy to a whole new direction. We all know that we need to be sensible about what we eat. We all know that we need to exercise more, and we know that we need to choose good food options, and not the sweets and fat laden things lining the wall all the way through the checkout counter.

I always say that the things we need to do to be a better, healthier, happy person is already in our knowledge bank, we just need to hear it again, and again, maybe in a new way so that we become motivated in the right direction once again. I hope this blog piece will motivate you, the article I read STOP EATING ALL THE TIME really hit home for me, and as I always say, have a great today, you and I deserve it.

Oh, that is better, I love cherries, and they are so good for you.

February 3, 2023February 3, 2023

Write It Down

Hello, welcome to my Blogcast, happy to see you back again.

She was in 8th grade, I believe, never went to High School, Third from right

Today’s topic or whatever you want to call it has to do with “our” family history. What do we know about our family’s history? What do we know of our parents’ life before we came along? I know with the advent of the Internet, and television programs like “Roots” people have been delving more and more into their family history. There are so many DNA and genealogy sites that allow us to trace our beginnings that I am surprised how little we know about the family members that are closest to us, at least in my case.

I was thinking about my mother the other day. She’s been gone since 1989 and I’m 72 years old right now. Sometimes I go back in time and remember small events as they burst forth like tiny bubbles. My heart feels sad when I think about her and what I don’t know.

My mother was born before World War two, she struggled, never finished school, married too young, had children too soon, and ended up working her whole life as a waitress or bartender.

I am ashamed that I never knew what my mother’s dreams were. I never knew what she herself had wanted to become. And sometimes that breaks my heart because I am sure that my mother would have wanted to be something other than what she was at the time of her death.

I have pictures when she was young. When she married. Movie stars weren’t any prettier. I think girls back then seemed so mature for their age. Maybe it was because they survived the hardships of a war.

In my favorite picture she is sitting in a chair posing for the camera. I am sure she was filled with dreams of the future. I know she married my father who was not a good person. Or maybe that only came later. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you know that he was a monster in disguise, at least to my sister and I when my mother moved out.

My mother had children but I’m not sure that she wanted them. This was at a time before birth control. We all just came along a year and a half separating each of the first three. Five the last one.

I have a ring that belonged to my mother that she wore all the time. It’s a lovely ring. It’s very frail so I don’t wear it very often. But it came from somebody who my mother once loved that was not my father. The only thing I know about the history of this ring came to me after her death.

My grandmother revealed that this was from a man who wanted to marry my mother at some point in her past after she had children. And he gave her this ring as a token of his love.

Grandmother said he was very wealthy and that she “tried to talk Nellie” ( my mom) into marrying him. Grammy said he was a wonderful person, and my mother would never have had to work another day of her life. I could see the sadness wash over my grandmother’s face remembering what a hard life my mother really ended up living. My conclusion is she didn’t want to stick this man with a family when he had never been married so she ended it. We were a chaotic bunch.

I do know that my mother wore this ring every single day until she could no longer wear it. Swelling from age and disease made it impossible later in her life so she passed this ring onto me two years before she died. I could tell that it was very hard for her to part with this treasure when she finally gave it up. Sadly, she never shared the history.

Now that I’m looking at this ring and remembering what my grandmother told me little bits of memories have come back into my brain and I wonder if what is there is part of her story.

I remember my parents separating when I was about 8 years old. My mother moved out of the house and left us children behind. It was quite the shocker for everyone. That was something that wasn’t just done.

Actually she left three of us behind, I think she took my youngest brother with her because I don’t have memories of him being there for that year and a half she was gone.

My imagination says that she left my father and her children because of the romance that resulted in this ring being given to her. I think she fell in love with somebody and chased her dream for a short time and then came back to reality and her family.

I am sorry if she gave up her dream for us. Who knows what our life would have been like if she would have followed her heart.

Now that I am old and memories flicker through like channels on an old television I remember driving through a “ritzy” part of Detroit one time with my mom. She wanted to show me where the rich people lived.

Did I mention that we were usually at poverty level or lower throughout my childhood? Yep, so this was a treat for both of us. On one side of the throughway were mansions like I had never seen before. Big, beautiful homes. I think Kid Rock and Eminem live there now just to throw out some names.

And on the other side was the Detroit River where you could spot boat docks, I mean mini yacht docks, of the rich and famous. It was breathtaking. And one day just recently I thought to myself were we taking a drive down “memory” lane for her ( remember her secret person was very rich) or were we just site seeing. I have a memory too of driving past an ex’s home because I missed him passionately. Do you suppose that is what she was doing?

What I don’t know about my mother makes me feel so sad. As a child and young adult I was selfish and never paid attention to her dreams or her wishes. I am sad that I didn’t get to know her as a person with hopes, fantasies, and passions. I just knew her as my mom.

My advice to you is to document, to write down, to journal things about yourself to let your family members get to know you in some way. Tell them what your dreams are even though maybe you weren’t able to follow that path. Maybe you had to go with reality instead of fantasy. Let them know how many people you loved. It’s OK if you didn’t get to accomplish your dreams or all of your dreams. Share your history so that your children and your children’s children will know something about you that puts you into the realm of a real person. Some day they will be interested in their history. If you wait to long those things will be lost.

I remember my second husband’s mother was from Russia and as a very young woman worked for the Russians at a US military facility. She had numbers tattooed on her wrist, and as the story goes she met my father-in-law who later hid her and her friend when the Russians came to take back their Russian citizens. Soon afterward they married and he sent her and her friend to the States until he got out of the army.

There is an empty hole where her history has been lost. A part of her that her family wished they knew. Something she did not want to share and later could not remember. Her family does not know what her life was like back in Russian, where she lived, how she got those numbers on her arm, and much else from her early life. Now it is something that will never be shared and that is so sad.

Write your stuff down, someday someone may want to know where they came from, the people who came before, the real people and what they were like. It can help us understand parts of them, and parts of ourselves. Don’t hog your story. Share it. Don’t be ashamed! Everyone has made good and bad choices. It is part of who we are and how we survived. And as I always say, have a great day today, you and I deserve it.