Views on life, and all it's events.
Sometimes we just need to say what is in our hearts.
The title is ” I have a poem”
Some say My Body, My Choice.
Then comes coupling, obscuring the voice.
One heartbeat, then there are two.
One must die, who will choose.
Little voices screaming in my head.
You can’t be here, you are dead.
Bits and pieces on the floor.
How can you stand all that gore?
My Body, My Choice.
Can’t you hear its tiny voice.
The fireworks are over. The crowds have found their way home, and we are returning to the mundane day to day stuff we call life.
Hello, welcome to my Blog, this is Kris.
I hope you made it through the holidays. If you have followed my blog, you know that the holidays are my least favorite time of the year. I hate all that fake happiness and good cheer. We are so pressured to be joyful. If we are not happy during the rest of the year, Christmas won’t make that much difference.
I grew up in a very poor family filled with drunken relatives, so the holidays never went well. Even into adulthood I felt that left over feeling of dread and sadness that would envelope me after the shit hit the fan. Holidays did not represent good times.
Now a good therapist would say create your own good times, and I try too, but there is still that emptiness inside that says it isn’t real.
It is like that commercial where the lady carries a happy face card on a stick and waves it in front of herself at family gatherings. No one sees how she really feels.
I call my episodes Christmas affective disorder. Or to be plain “I hate Christmas disorder.”
To me there is really no purpose to Christmas. According to many brainiacs it was not when Christ was born so why the fake celebration? They say it is a time to share with family, but the cost is ridiculous. We need food, gifts, decorations, clothes, trees, and all the other hoopla that goes with it. By the end I am exhausted and feel empty inside. I know my daughter-in-law gets overwhelmed trying to do Christmas with her family, her husband’s family, (me and mine), and then her own family. I mean why do we create such stress for ourselves. Who thought this up?
I looked up how this whole Christmas thing got started and found some interesting facts. Below is one fact.
For many centuries, gift-giving took place on December 6 around Saint Nicholas Day or in early January after New Year’s Eve. The popularity of this custom grew after the positive reception of the 1823 poem The Night Before Christmas and the 1843 novella A Christmas Carol.
Another fact. “In 1800s New York, the overlapping interests of middle-class families and the wealthy produced a cultural practice that’s still in place today. Check out this web site to read the whole article. https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/12/why-people-give-christmas-gifts/421908/
Fact three, it was really pushed through, promoted, encouraged, all on the tail of commercialism. Big businesses promoted the family theme to “make money.” ( that’s’ my quote).
You can research the rest of the details if you are so inclined. I am not. Suffice it to say that big business invented this great money spending holiday, and it took off like wildfire.
Well, I have had enough. I am not going to participate again. I will not go into debt buying gifts that end up in a pile somewhere. I am done.
What you say? Yes, I am done with this Christmas crap. I am going to talk to my family and from now on we will only share a meal together which we do a hundred times a year, and perhaps some quality time. Just like we do throughout the whole year without any obligation to purchase gifts. Birthdays are the exception.
I bring this up because I know that I am not alone with my Christmas Affective disorder, disorder. There are many that suffer for months until it is finally over. And I am here to tell you that it is okay to give up Christmas and Thanksgiving. We won’t even go into that holiday. You do not have to follow anyone else’s trends. Do what you want or do nothing. It really is up to you.
Turn off the television, forget all the adds for the latest electronics and toys. Most adults would rather buy their own things then end up with some item that they would never have bought for themselves.
The idea of making time for your family should be something to reach for throughout the year, not just for two months. We can love each other, and nurture that love in many little ways all year round.
I get the whole family theme behind the holidays, but it does not need to be tied into monetary things, or obligations. It should be something you give from your heart.
I love my family; I love my grandchildren. I think that is the important aspect of all these holiday themes. Family and love. I shower them with love and gifts all year long because I love creating happy memories with them.
What I say to you is create happy memories! If you do not have any family spend time with a friend but do something together. Play cards, watch movies, play sports, talk, go on an adventure. It does not need to be tied into a holiday theme. It can just be a moment of sharing. Those are what really feel the best anyway. I cannot tell you how often I have relived and laughed at the silly things my granddaughters and I have done together. “There” that is the secret behind all the holiday themes, togetherness.
So, for today know that you are not alone. You are never alone. You are in someone’s thoughts somewhere. And for today, have a great day, you and I deserve it. Oh, and have a Happy New Year.
“Sometimes we just need to say what is in our hearts.”
Title ” I have a poem.”
” Some say My Body, My Choice.
Then comes coupling, obscuring the voice.
One heartbeat, then there are two,
One must die, who will choose.
Little voices screaming in my head,
You can’t be here, you are dead.
Bits and pieces on the floor.
How can you stand all that gore.
My Body, My Choice.
Can’t you hear its tiny voice.”
By kb
Hi, this is Kris, welcome to Lifeview 101.
I hope you have had a good couple of weeks. I pray that you are staying cool and dry.
It seems that people are either flooded out of their homes or cooking like lobsters from the heat. My hope is that you are staying safe and comfortable.
I want to share with you that I have a dream. It is a big dream. They say if you are going to dream make it big, so I am! I would love to go on a long-distance hike. A journey all by myself. A pilgrimage of sorts. I want to walk the Camino which is a long-distance hiking pilgrimage across Spain.
One of the many websites I examined stated “ the Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James) is a large network of ancient pilgrim routes stretching across Europe and coming together at the tomb of St. James (Santiago in Spanish) in Santiago de Compostela in north-west Spain. http://santiago-compostela.net/
Pilgrims, that is what you are called by the people of Spain, can choose to walk 50 miles along these ancient routes. Sixty miles is a nice number. Three hundred and fifty is very daring. And the five hundred mile trek is for real hikers. I mean diehards. But, no matter the distance your choose, the journey will take you across the beautiful countryside in your quest to reach your final destination, the church of St James. Pilgrims have made this journey for thousands of years. That’s right, thousands of years.
Over 300,000 people a year trek across the country following these routes for a variety of reasons. For some it is a spiritual quest. For others it is a chance to get away and rediscover themselves. For me it would provide some much-needed time for reflection, quietude, and peace.
Travelers who make this journey do so for any number of reasons. My goal is that I want to push myself farther than I ever have before. I want to walk alone. I want to listen to my inner chatter without the voices of others calling to me with their needs.
I want to take care of only me. And the first step in this journey is finding a decent pair of shoes and socks in order to walk more than 3 1/2 miles a day. That is right, the first and most important step is to be able to walk along without sweaty, achy feet.
Let me say here that I have been walking between 2 1/2 to 4 miles a day, most days, for over five years, that’s right five years, and it is no fun. Okay some days are good, but most end up focused on my dam feet, and how awful they feel.
This all started when I got my dog and felt guilty that she was stuck in the house all day while I worked. I wanted to make her happy. She loves to walk and snuffle. It is her greatest joy. For me it has been a struggle.
I have read so many reviews on socks and shoes that I want to throw up. I have read hiking blogs, and shoe reviews. I have spent hundreds, yes hundreds of dollars on socks. They say socks make all the difference, they haven’t, and now I have become the dreaded lady at Kohl’s “ who is here to return another pair of shoes.”
I have used the Internet to the best of my ability to look for a good pair of hiking shoes to walk the Camino. I have looked at blogs by some of those who have already walked across Spain. I have read hiking blogs until I cannot remember who is who any more.
In my search for comfort, I have personally purchased and sent back five pairs of expensive shoes that felt horrible on my feet. I own two pairs that barely make the 3 mile mark, despite feeling good to start with, and I spent hours in the best shoe store in town trying on pair after pair of recommended shoes to only discover that there is not a “good “shoe “for my cranky old feet. What can I do?
I mean really, should this be so difficult? Google says there are an estimated sixty-four name brand athletic shoe companies. With many of these brands offering different styles in each brand. There are also off name brands. Store brands, and recommended brands. How does someone find the right dam shoe?
I have tried multiple brands and they have all been flawed. They are flawed because of my old feet. Usually when I get a pair of shoes, one shoe feels great, the other not so much. I have also bought hundreds of dollars’ worth of different socks trying to find a pair of socks that are comfortable and will not leave my feet hot and stinky. Also, my legs swell, and most socks are like tourniquets by the end of the day.
Skipping ahead, let us leave behind the shoes and socks for a minute and talk about weight and backpacks. No, I am not talking about my weight, I wouldn’t dare. I am talking about the recommended weight a hiker can comfortably carry along these mile long ancient routes. If you do not stop and consider the weight that your shoes must support as you walk, you may end up tossing your precious stuff along the roadside as you huff and puff in your crappy shoes.
Do you choose food over water in this weight equation? Do you really need to wear panties, and are they the panties that will keep you cool and dry, or are they the ones that will stick to your butt. I mean you really need to consider these things as they can make or break this “special pilgrimage.” You do not want blistered butt cheeks, or so I have read.
Now, let us jump back into the shoe dilemma as that may keep me stuck on the home front for all eternity. Forget all the other things to consider when planning a long trek across the plains of Portugal and Spain like clothes that wick away moisture, socks that do prevent blisters, shoes that fit, potty bags that you can carry, and “where the heck do I do a number one or number two?”
The shoes are by far the most important. The sad thing about buying shoes that others have rated so highly is that we cannot take them home and actually walk in them before making a purchase. Walking around in a shoe store for few minutes is not going to tell you if the shoes will work on a long walk. No way in hell.
I have bought shoes that felt great in the store but crapped out while actually walking my trail. I will admit to owning some very stylish “ mowing” shoes due to this technique.
I am not just ranting here. I really need help in finding the bests shoes for my feet so I can begin training for my pilgrimage. I need to start increasing my mileage and right now that is not possible.
Now there was one tiny helpful trick that I stumbled across in searching the databases of the world, and that is “Changing the way you lace your shoes to make your feet more comfortable. That is right. Changing the way, you lace your shoes!
Let me stop and ask you has anyone, anywhere ever showed you, or suggested that you change the way you lace your shoes to improve your comfort level. I can honestly say “no” to that question. And, I might add that it pisses me off as I bought two pairs of shoes that were touted as the best for pain on the top of your foot. The top felt fine, nice and soft, but the support was crappy. There went $180 bucks. The shoes couldn’t even carry me four miles without pain arising somewhere in my feet.
This new lacing technique has been a revelation. I would never have thought of it myself. I have never paid any attention to lacing my shoes. I have always left them the way they come laced. I thought you had too.
I did not know there are different lacing techniques for different foot issues. Google and YouTube are wonderful resources. I have said it a million times, and I will say it again. Wonderful…. They have saved me a number of times.
The shocking thing for me first up was finding these instructional videos on lacing your shoes, and the second thing was that none of the “experts” I read or talked to ever suggested trying a new lacing technique. I mean do they not know? Do they just not want to share this secret technique?” Is it only about the sale and not the customer?
I tried on five different shoes brands in the store, none felt right, and no one said “hey let’s look at your feet and how you lace your shoes.”
And it does make a difference. I am shocked. The technique that I came across on the Internet is parallel lacing. It can relieve some of the discomfort that laces can cause on the top of your feet. Sometimes the top of my feet hurt more than the bottoms.
I have read that your feet can swell and grow at least one shoe size while out walking, so be mindful of this and make sure you do not need a larger size shoe to start with. Then look at your laces. Then look at your socks, and then look at the shoes again. And the final assessment is how they feel on the long haul….?
Sadly, we cannot take them out on a long haul without first buying them. What a mess for us hikers with bad feet.
I will admit that all my shoes are now laced with this secret parallel lacing technique. This simple trick has certainly helped the top of my feet. Amazingly so, I might add, but the problem is still going the distance. I need the right shoes.
So, if you are bothered by sore feet and have found a solution or if you are a hiker and know of a good brand of shoes, I would certainly love to hear from you. My feet would love to hear from you. And so would my wallet.
I cannot order another pair of shoes just to send them back again. The ladies at Kohls might just go on strike if I show up.
I think my solution will be to ask for help from the shoe companies. Maybe I will write to them and see if they will sponsor my research into the best shoe for cranky old, knobby feet. Do you think they will sponsor me? I won’t hold my breath, but you never know until you ask. Never be afraid to ask. It can lead you in amazing directions.
I hope this “simple trick” I’ve shared of changing up how you lace your shoes helps with any foot problems you may be having. Share this tidbit with others, the shoe salesman certainly won’t, and for today, as I always say, have a great day today, You and I deserve it. And remember, each journey starts with that first step, and a good pair of shoes.
Well, as you may have noticed I have been missing for a while. Not a good thing when you are trying to build up your followers, but I fell in an emotional hole for almost a month. Sometimes that happens to me. I just get depressed. There I have admitted it once again.
If you have read some of my previous blogs, you have noticed that sometimes I just go missing. There are times it is hard for me to put on a happy face and make it through the day, let alone share my thoughts. Perhaps you have had similar experiences. Perhaps you too have fallen into a hole.
Usually, for me there is not a real cause. I just get into these funks. A curtain of sadness descends, and I feel sad. My energy level plummets, and I do not want to do a dam thing.
Sometimes life is just too much. I feel old. I have aches and pains. I want to retire but cannot. My children do not pay enough attention to me, and my books are lost in the great beyond.
I have read all about starting out as a new author. I have tried all the suggestions, but nothing is happening. And when nothing happens the self-doubt slams into me. I start to believe that maybe my messages are not important. That maybe my books are crap. You know the drill when you start that pity party. The chatter outweighs your common sense. And your ability to see the great things going on around you has vanished.
Sound familiar? It is normal to feel this way! Yep, sometimes we just want life to be easy. We just do not want to have to work for it. Sometimes it would be nice if someone else took care of everything. If we could just watch television all day. Read a book for days without interruption. Have someone else cooking meals, cleaning the house.
But reality must set in eventually, and we need to move forward. The first step is realizing that you and I are in a funk. Acknowledge it. Say it out loud, “I FEEL SHITTY.” You can even let the tears flow. Tears can be such a relief mechanism. There is no reason to hold back your emotions. Let it rip. (Safely of course). Do not deny your feelings of depression. And then let go when you are able.
I’ve done this enough times that I know I will come out of it and the sun will shine again. I know this. So, I give it a few days. And then sure enough my mood starts to lift, and I am glad to be alive.
I start by counting my blessings and thank the Lord for giving me another day. You may not know this, but I am a breast cancer survivor. Seventeen years now so I feel guilty when I’m feeling down. After all I could just be a bag of bones right now.
Being a survivor does not mean that I don’t get down in the dumps once in a while, it doesn’t. It does not stop me from being selfish on occasion, and it does not stop me from wanting my life to be a breeze. I think we call that being human.
But we must not let the depression take control and keep it. We must come out of that dark place at some point. Sooner rather than later. If you find you can’t pull yourself out of the hole go see someone. Talk to a professional. Call a helpline. Talk with a friend and share your feelings with family. And if none of this has helped it might be time for the big guns. You might need medication for a time.
Life can be tough, but there is much in life to amaze us. There is much in life that can bring us joy. We have to let those things shine through even if we do not want too.
If you are in a funk you can certainly write to me, I will be glad to have a chat through my email although I am in no way a therapist. I am just an old person with a lot of life experience.
Talk to someone if the curtain of depression does not lift after a day or two. Go outside and let the sun shine on your skin. Studies have shown that a lack in vitamin D can affect our moods.
Breathe in the fresh air. Let the curtain of sadness rise. And for today have a great day. You and I deserve it.
